How could I imagine my scars or my wounds to be the fertile soil for new life, new growth and a rebirth of self?
In the midst of our struggle, we may only see the scar or the wound. It may seem dark and uncertain. We may wonder if anything good will come of our circumstances.
I remember in the bleak early days, just after losing Nathan to cancer, I wondered if I would ever have peace again, or days filled with joy, let alone a “normal” day. I felt completely numb and broken. I couldn’t see beyond the pain or “the scar”, if you will. It seemed as though all hope had died along with my lover.
How could I ever imagine my scars or my wounds to be the fertile soil for new life, new growth, and a rebirth of self?
When we plant a seed, ground has to be broken. It has to be buried deep within the shadows. It needs to take root, because any surface level planting would be futile for its long lasting effects.
When we plant a seed, we don’t see the immediate results. As it germinates, we may find discomfort, movement of energy, but not really understand what the end result will be.
In some instances in life, we may not even know that we have planted a seed, we just know that the soil has been broken and we may see our wounds as a mistake that can never be repaired.
But then, the miraculous occurrence starts to bud, and we can see that there is so much more to the story. The wound is not the end. The scar is not the final chapter in the story. The broken earth is not the end goal that the Master Gardener has planned for us.
As I started to look closely at my scars, my wounds, I started to examine them in great detail. They were so gaping and painful that it was all I could focus on.
As I did this, I started to see the inner workings and a greater purpose starting to bud from what I thought was the end of my story. But this is just the beginning…the buds and blooms are starting to appear. The wound and the scar was just a chapter, a pivotal chapter, a necessary chapter for my progression and growth. But the rest of the story is now unfolding in full color, texture and form.